Sunday, 17 November 2013 20:24 Written by 



We have all at some point heard someone or perhaps spoken ourselves, "I will never let anyone get that close to me again, I can't go through that pain again." Sadly to many individuals love equates to rejection, pain, suffering and disappointment. The interpreted anguish seems to out way the joy in it. For the most part in our culture we have defined love to be affection received rather then affection given. Let me explain.

We have made our sense of self worth to be conditional on approval and acceptance given to us by others. When we perceive we have been given affection....we give affection in return, often in hopes of receiving more of the same. When we perceive we are being accepted....we give acceptance in return. The same is true for love....1John 4:19 tells us "We love Him, because He first loved us."

When we think little of ourselves we find it difficult to believe that we could be loved. Even God...we know we are to believe He loves us but how could He? Believing we are unlovable leads many to just accepting any relationship, wherein they perceive they are being loved.

Sadly as children, whatever our nurturing...whether good or bad...whether loving or abusive....our experiences will establish our picture of love. That picture will be our starting place in life as we begin to venture out in our pursuit of loving. I have often heard individuals share that as children they embraced there abuse as attention received in the absence of any other form of affection....easy to see why so many children act out...just looking for attention. Even as adults we will go to great lengths to get the attention we feel we are lacking in.

The wording of love is also used to give a more meaningful expression for having sex. can a man or women be making love with his neighbour's spouse? How can a man be making love with a prostitute? What kind of love is that? What a distortion of God's design!

So back to the question....does love make us weak and vulnerable? Interestingly all forms of distorted love do! But true love, that is to say God's kind of love....makes us invincible. Invincible you say....yes indestructible. You see all forms of ungodly love are given out under the motive to get or take in return. The motives could be planned out, deliberate schemes or they could be simply being done unconsciously....but it is conditional. It is never love in and of itself that makes us weak or is our misconceptions of love.... it is the conditions we put on love. If my insecurities require me to be loved so I can feel better about myself, I am setting myself up for disappointment. Receiving a distorted form of love can comfort and make us feel better for the moment but it will not last. Receiving true love can set us on the right path but it will be the "giving of love" that will heal us of our spiritual woundings.

Listen to 1 John 4:18-19..."There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full- grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection]." Distorted forms of love always partner with fear, fear of rejection, punishment, abandonment, abuse and such. Why? Because it strives for acceptance and affection in is conditional. But Godly love requires nothing in return....completely unconditional. It only strives to give. When nothing is required in return, you cannot be offended or wounded. When rejections comes your way it only increases your compassion for the individual. All forms of rejection will only strengthen your resolve. This is why love is our ultimate weapon of warfare. Distorted love will defeat us at every turn but true love strengthens us.

Let me your love willing to suffer long, is it always kind? Do your feelings ever envy? Does your love get puffed up about itself? Do your affections ever behave rudely or want it's own way? Is your love ever provoked or thinking evil? Does it rejoice in one's iniquity? Does it bear up under all situations, does it endure and keep hope?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 has this to say about love..."Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." The theme in this verse is the power of love. Notice in all it's attributes, each functions to give away, to give out to another. None of it's listed attributes is for taking....for the receiving. Imagine if all these attributes were in operation within us, who could harm us? To the measure we are able to love in these attributes we are invincible....indestructible.

Again in the verse above..."love never fails"....never (in the Greek)...means not in the least, not a one, not a other words never!

Perhaps we should have a healthy fear of operating in a distorted form of love. It would be good to examine our quality of love on a regular basis.

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William Broer

William Broer is the co-founder of freedom House Canada Incorporated. He has a real passion for ministering to the brokenhearted. Having studied under several high-profile ministries and interning with Elijah House ministries, Bill is committed to making the word of God practical in our everyday experiences.


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